My 1st Interview as a Advocate against Domestic Abuse for NOYO
(No Longer Silenced Movement)
In a manner in which you are comfortable, will you please describe the type of abuse that you endured?
Absolutely I will happily describe the abuse I have endured! I have gone through multiple types of Abuse in my past. I was molested at a young age, I was a victim of a Gang Rape at the age of 13, and was in a very Abusive relationship that was so bad that he actually had beaten me so badly that I actually lost my life (Thankfully, I never gave up hope and they brought me back). The relationship was so bad that I was trapped and there was no way out, I remember the moment I realized how bad it was the first time and thinking to myself “This man is going to kill me, there’s no way I can get out”. That does not mean I never gave up hope, but I lived in a constant state of fear. I developed something that is called Stockholm syndrome. I knew if I tried to leave the room, I would be beaten or hurt in some kind of way so I learned not to try because I knew the outcome. I could not have my cell phone, car keys, anything to call for help. I would be locked in a room for hours at a time and could not even leave to use the restroom. I was not able to leave the bed until he was awake, which sometimes was hours. I could not read in bed because turning the pages was too loud and would disturb his sleep and I would be punished for waking him. I would have to stare at the ceiling in a catatonic state just hoping he would not wake up. I can tell you so many stories, but it would be a novel! I remember I turned on the fan one time because it was summer and 90 degrees and because I did not have permission, he picked me up and through me across the room right into a wall. It was a rough time to say the least.
What inspired you to advocate about domestic violence and help others heal?
I was inspired to help others with Domestic Abuse when I was going through the court process of putting my Abuser in jail. This man had actually taken my life, I was left with over 30 broken bones, a concussion that left me unable to walk/talk and took my short-term memory and permanently disabled and he got 2 years in prison (He got out after a year and half without parole). I was furious that Abuse was brushed off and not taken seriously at all, so I decided to dedicate my life to help others and spread the word and awareness of Domestic Violence.
How have you healed yourself?
It has been a process, I am still physically disabled. I went through a period of time when I could not retain any information and reteach myself to function again. I was very aggravated and my patience was decreasing by the moment, but I realized that was not the answer to my problems. I started reading books, but I had to rewrite down everything I read in order to absorb any material. I started making jewelry for my friends and family while physically healing. My injuries were so severe that physical therapist would not even work with me. I remember my fourth time I tried, the doctor would not even take my consultation money because they said they could not help, and they just wanted to drug me and go through surgery. I pleaded just to give me a chance, which is when I realized I have to do it on my own. My chiropractor suggested trying to go do stretches in water. I have always loved swimming my whole life, so I signed up for a membership at a local gym with a pool, and I remember the moment I first stepped into the water I started to cry. I could walk and do things in the water that I could never do on land. When I was in the water, all my pain went away and all my problems disappeared. After that, I started yoga and Pilate’s rehabilitation slowly. Baby steps my advocate said, and that is exactly what I did.
What do you believe is the most important aspect of recovery in an abuse survivor?
This one is an easy answer! The most important aspect of recovery is NEVER give up hope! The doctors said I would be in a wheelchair within 5 years (I am 24 years old) and I told them NO! I have completely changed my outlook and have a positive attitude about life and I bring love into every situation in my life.
What advice would you give to a teen or young adult who is currently in an abusive situation?
No matter how hard it is and how much hope you have that he will change…Find your strength and realize that you cannot change them no matter what you do or how hard you try. GET OUT while you still have the chance, even if you think you cannot live without him. Life will go on and you will be thankful you did!
What do you aim to accomplish through your blog Through the Darkness…There will always be Light?
I would like to spread awareness about Abuse, share my personal story about the trauma I have endured and made it through to give woman hope and help they realize they can make it through it.
What do you like to do for fun?
I love to read and write in my free time. I am writing an autobiography on my life to share my story, and currently have a website with resources and my personal experiences with Abuse
( Survivors725.blogspot.com) Swimming is still one of my favorite things to do. I am very artistic and enjoy drawing, and still make my jewelry. I try to take everything I do and take a positive thing from it and have fun.
If you won the lottery, what would you do with your winnings?
Oh Boy! If I won the lottery, I would go back to school and get my masters in mental therapy. I would like to be a therapist/Life Coach that specializes in Domestic Abuse and open my own practice. I would donate/start programs to help other woman that are in or have been in my position. That is my dream! If I could save one life, it would all be worth it to me.